Words

"I always surprise myself on my ability to turn a phrase. Words are, in my not so humble opinion, the most inexhaustible source of magic; capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it." -Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Yes, I'm aware I've posted that quote before but I LOVE it!! It's so true. Words hold more weight than I do. (Okay, yes we've established holding more weight than I do isn't hard, but still!) Words have lasted since the beginning of time, tales of how the earth started, fairy tales, religion, anything and everything. Words repeated over and over can beat you down and crush you to the ground, while at the same time a simple switch of words said just as many times can help you soar and reach heights you never even imagined! Words can inspire and words can make you perspire.

The effects of physical abuse are obviously detrimental, and any kind of abuse is horrible. But the effects of verbal and emotional abuse echo and reverberate with the victim far longer. Bruises fade, scratches heal, broken bones grow back together, but the insults to self-esteem replay for the hearer every day. It takes only the immune system with the help of a doctor to repair the damage from physical abuse, but it takes years of counseling and a constant mental battle to repair the damage done from emotional and verbal abuse. I know very little from personal experience. But we've all been hurt by someone. Physically and emotionally. I healed from the broken wrist I got in a car accident. And my wrist is better than ever. But the rude words, the exclusion, the negativity forced upon me from years of adolescent foolishness of middle and high school still hit me and feed my insecurities.

The words in a textbook open up your knowledge and expand your potential. The words in a novel can take you to a new world away from reality. The words in a book can change your perspective and way of thinking about a person or people, or way of life, or events, or anything really.

A twisted tangle of words can threaten to trap you in a place of pain. Or a set of sweetly situated syllables can put you on cloud 9. Or a lack of words can leave you speechless, either way; happily, or unhappily.

Words hold some of the greatest power known to man. Wield them wisely.

"It is important to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated." -Dumbledore (His quotes are BRILLIANT! Also, in your own battles keep fighting. It's hard, it hurts, but it's worth it. Even if you make it just a little farther against the evils in your own life. Just keep swimming!!! You can make it!!)

Also...in my head this was brilliant. On screen, not so much. But hopefully you get the idea. My one consolation is that at least Rae will love it!

Health

So I've been working on my mental health this past year especially, recently including counseling (have I mentioned that? I never remember...). And in counseling have uncovered that I struggle with acute anxiety. Nothing I need to be medicated for or anything, I just always think of all the possible worst-case scenarios for the silliest things. So to help fight that and multiple other mental issues I'd rather not talk about on the internet especially my counselor has encouraged me to start working out. So I have. Kicking and screaming internally at it.

I have issues with working out. Mostly because last time I weighed myself I was a mere 108 lbs and I'm terrified of getting any thinner. I don't want to blow away in any breeze drifting by. Gusts knock me over as is. But I've started trying anyway. Yesterday I did some Wii (Just Dance 2, and Wii Fit...that counts right??) and today I jogged. Yes, me I jogged. Well...I sorta jogged. I jogged and walked, and jogged and walked and walked a little more. I am SO out of shape. It is absolutely ridiculous. But the goal is to get better. And secretly (Rae you will scream when you read this, so prepare your children) my goal is to do a Disney Half Marathon. Emphasis on HALF!! That's only 12 miles. I want to do a WaltDisney World Half Marathon. So then I'd get to go to WaltDisney World....Yup, that's most of the reason!

Well, I'll keep ya'll updated on my brave adventures of trying to work out. Well, now I'm off to get a HUGE bowl of Rocky Road because I need to keep my weight steady at least.

-Also, as a note Dreyers is the best Rocky Road. With Western Family as a close second. Western Family just has a TON of marshmallows. Really, it's half ice cream, half marshmallows. :)

Hard Times

I don't know about any of you, but I've been going through some hard times lately. My world turns on it's head every week. And I just can't keep up. It feels like I'm running on a treadmill and the faster I run the further backwards I go. Or I feel like I'm smacking my head against a brick wall, throwing all my weight against it, trying to get it to break. But it won't. And there appears to be no way around it and no way to get over it. These are the times I need to be brave. The times that I fail at most. The times that I let other people make my decisions and I just duck and cover till it's over. Not this time. This time I'm fighting. Crying when that stupid brick hall doesn't budge, or when I trip on the treadmill. But I'm keeping on going. I have my cry and peel myself off the pavement and try again. Or at least I try to try again. I somewhat apologize for this indulgent and not-so-great post. But I hope it helped someone.

They say that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

I don't think this will kill me. So it better make me stronger.

With My Own Two Hands!!

So today I decided to be brave and attempt sewing. And came out with a beautiful skirt!!! With some of my Mom's help (very little!) I took an elastic band (2" thick) and sewed it to 35"(ish) long fabric two layers thick and voila!!!!

Isn't it SO cute! I would've posted a picture of me in it, but it's late and I look gross, so just use your imagination! I love it! I may wear it to an audition on Thursday! I decided to share because A) I'm ridiculously proud of it. B) It really was a brave attempt as I'm not so great with a sewing machine, and it came out beautifully!

I decided I'm going to attempt a new sewing project every paycheck-ish. It costs about the same as buying the clothing item would, but then I get the satisfaction of learning, and saying I made it myself, and having no one else have it! Next up is a jersey-knit pencil skirt, and then a lace pencil skirt, both I've been dying to try! Then I don't know what else. Maybe I'll update you on my progress, maybe I'll forget. I don't know! Hehe!

Luck and love in your journeys,

C

Moonlight

So tonight driving home from work I was struck by the sheer beauty the moonlight was giving the night world. The sky was a dark denim-indigo with hazy lazy clouds floating around the moon and across the skies borders in gray, off-white, periwinkle and lilac. The stars winked out between and from behind wisps of cloud. The light from the moon and stars illuminated the world below beautifully. The bordering mountains were inky purple-blue, nearly glowing in their purple-ness. The desert below was washed out blacks, grays, charcoals. The beauty struck me and moved me to tears. It was perfect. I've never seen a night like this. It was gorgeous. So I decided to share and paint the picture with words for you my readers. I hope you've seen something as beautiful in your week.

Much love!

C

One Day

No this post is not about the new Anne Hathaway movie One Day. (Though I do want to see that!) It's about the phrase, "One day...". We've all said it. "One day I'll go to Paris!" or "One day my prince will come." --See even a Disney Princess has said it.-- One day is a phrase full of hope and mystery and goals and fantasy. The mention of "One day...." can get you through a crappy night at a minimum wage job, thinking of the career you'll have (and LOVE) one day. The thought of "One day..." can get you through a challenging time in life, knowing that one day it will be better and you will be stronger. The idea of "One day..." has the potential to ease a broken heart toward healing. The foresight of thinking to that one day in the future that you can make better, that you can be better. One day can contain the hugest most wild, seemingly unreachable dreams and make them feel just one day away. One day contains beauty and fantasy, but it requires bravery and adventure to get there and make it the day you envision. Just going about and doing nothing will make one day just like the day you're living, that makes you dream of other things.

My One Day List:

-I will go to Paris. No doubt.

-I will have a career I love.

-I will figure out what I will do for a career exactly.

-I will work at a Disney park again (but in entertainment this time)

-I will have my own cute apartment or house.

-I will learn to sew.

-I will change someone else's life, for the better.

-I will make my family and friends proud to be close to me.

-I will come closer to who I want to be.