Stay ((Becoming)) Strong

Relief

Relief is a huge part of staying or becoming strong for me. I have to take a step back from all the stress and craziness of my life and let myself not think about it for a little while. There's some ways I like to take respite from my whirlwind of a world. So here's an inevitably too-long explanatory list of ways that I get my relief.

Beautiful Films:

I love watching movies and especially ones that are beautifully captured, beautifully written, and beautifully acted. I love when those three aspects of the film come together in a way that is captivating and meaningful. Some of the many that I adore are Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea (which I'm watching now!), Young Victoria (I'm working on a whole post about that one!), Sense and Sensibility, Beaches, Finding Neverland, and many, many more. Also, funny movies are great! And Disney movies, those are awesome!

Writing:

I write poems, my blog, short stories, and other such things for fun and for myself (except this blog). I don't share the things I write very often (as in hardly at all), they're just for me, and it's a fantastic release of excess stress.

Picture Taking:

I like taking pictures (especially after buying Rae's first DSLR camera!! Thanks again Rae!!!!!) I've been practicing as much as possible and feel like I am getting better. I took pictures of Emily's graduation and am currently working on editing them, experimenting and such. And I'm having way too much fun. I'm no photographer, just a picture-taker. Rachael Ray always calls herself a cook and not a chef and I'm calling myself a picture-taker and not a photographer. One day I'll graduate to photographer, but that's not going to come for a while, though a separate photography blog will be coming soon!! :)

Piano:

I've played piano since I was 8 and really didn't appreciate it for a long time. I haven't taken lessons in more than 3 years and now only play the songs that have stuck with me and only for myself. I'll play to let emotions go and to express myself without harming anyone else and I'll play to keep my fingers from forgetting the keys. Singing goes along with that, but I've been consistently ill this winter and my voice sounds like a bullfrog right now. :(

Imagination:

Imagining and pretending are brilliant and beautiful and so relieving. You can escape into a dream world all your own and have whatever and whomever you'd like. Prince Charming comes bursting through the doors at work and sweeps you away singing the whole way to his valiant steed (which is generally a shiny black BMW or Lamborghini or Porsche or similar). Or you slay the evil dragon shooting flames at you constantly. Secretly, I imagine myself to sleep every night.

Well, that's them. Hopefully, you didn't get lost in my words. :) I worry sometimes that Rae's the only one who slogs through swamp of my reveries. Don't worry, the monsters are banned from my blog by the knights of my fingertips! Until next time!!

((With all of these posts about Staying or Becoming Strong, feel free to post in your blogs, or in comments here things that you do to Stay and Become Strong! I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this!! Also, secretly, it would make me feel influential and important, which would be nice! ;) ))

Stay ((Becoming)) Strong

The Playlist

Well, here it is, what you've all been waiting for (probably not) a small selection of songs I've put in my Stay Strong playlist. --Yes, there is actually now a playlist on my iPod called Stay Strong-- You don't want the whole playlist because it has exactly 41 songs in it. While that is not my biggest playlist (by a long shot) it is far too many songs to bore you with why they inspire me to be strong.

Stronger (Glee Cast Version) - I'm inspired about this song because it talks about being stronger than you were even yesterday, and being able to stand on your own. The words are bold, the music is bold, the message is bold. And I like it. I don't know why I like this version better than the Britney Spears version, but I do. Maybe I just like Kevin McHale's voice better. Who knows, but that's the version that's in my playlist.

Who Says (Selena Gomez) -I. Love. This. Song. It's light and encouraging and sassy all at the same time. I listen to this song probably 3 times a day. It's like my anthem right now. It reminds me that the people who say I'm not star potential or presidential or says I'm not beautiful or pretty or brave, those people who say that are nobody's to me. They aren't a part of the world I've built for myself ((with God's and many other's help)) and I should never listen to their words, because what I say and what those close to me say matter.

Love Is On Its Way (Jonas Brothers) - This song is amazing. It's so hopeful. It reminds me that someday my Prince will come, but also that until then I'm special by myself. And I don't need to sit around waiting for him. It's like the line from Freaky Friday "You're a smart, strong, beautiful woman and you don't need a man to complete you". I don't. I'd like a man to come along. I'd like that a lot. But I don't need him to be whole. That is not healthy to think you need a man (or woman) to be completed. It will come when it will, until then be whole within yourself. Also, love comes in many forms, and nearly always one form or another is heading your way. In case you were wondering, LIOIW is my texting signature and has been for a long time and it stands for the title of this song.

Believe In Me (Demi Lovato) - I couldn't have a playlist inspired by Demi's new mantra without a song by her. This is one of my favorite songs of hers. It's admitting you need help and wanting to change and then accepting yourself, and changing the things you need and want to. And now, knowing what we know about her personal issues, it was very brave of her to say the things she did in this song. Hopefully this song helped her like it helps me to believe in myself.

Party in The USA (Miley Cyrus) - You can't always just be working and working on yourself and on everything in life, you need to have a little party sometimes and let yourself enjoy the moments! This is my current go-to personal dance party song. Rock out, you know you want to! Nod your head like yeah, move your hips like yeah!

Take A Breath (Jonas Brothers) - This is my all time favorite Jonas Brothers song. Everything's crazy and maybe your world is crashing down, but just breathe. You'll get through it. Take a breath. Keep breathing. If you have to stop and just breathe, do. It's immensely helpful. And sometimes it's all you can do to keep going. "Clouds can move, and skies will be wide open."

Smile (Glee Cast Version) - I've always loved this song. It was on a Natalie Cole CD we listened to in the car when I was a kid. And I loved it. I love the softness of both versions. It is just a chance to breathe and smile and regroup yourself. Smile is often on my daily to-do lists. And I mean real smile, not fake-at-customer-smiling. God sends smiles your way everyday, take the moments and cherish them. Focus on them. Yes, crappy stuff does happen. But for the sake of yourself, just smile at the happy, don't frown at the crappy. (Sorry, you know I can't resist a rhyme!) "You'll see the sun come smiling through, for you, if you just smile." :)

I'd be happy to hear songs from your Stay Strong playlist!! Even if you don't actually have a playlist, and just have a song or two or two-thousand that helps you make it through those tough days, comment it! I'd love to hear yours!!

Or you could join me in my challenge and post your own Stay ((And/Or Becoming)) Strong playlist on your blog!!!! Pretty Please? :)

Small Thoughts Before My Project

My "Becoming Strong" project is in the works I'm self-editing and re-wording and being busy with life at the moment, but that will come soon. I do have some small, hardly-composed thoughts that I would like to share though.

Recently Rae posted a call to arms (or legs, as it were) on her blog, and I have a bit of a response. Please read her words if you haven't already, they are beautiful and it would be a dishonor to her to attempt to summarize them in my own. Though Rae is awesome and has the physical capabilities to run a marathon, I do not. I would pass out. Literally. --I could've just convinced myself that that's true, but I'm pretty sure it is-- But for some of us the road of life is a marathon of trials and rough patches and road blocks and tumbleweeds and pot holes and deer jumping in front of us, and continuing on the road is a marathon of "I can do it"'s (after a triathlon of secret "I can't, I just can't anymore"'s) For those of us who feel that way, it's very important to give yourself a pat on the back (Yes, even if you're being watched by someone) for all your hard work and excellent driving past all those obstacles! Seriously, give yourself some credit for all of your hard work. Even if you're the only person giving you credit, you deserve it. Let yourself feel that "I've just done the impossible and I feel FANTASTIC!!" feeling. I know that sometimes dragging yourself out of bed takes Herculean effort, and you rarely get credit for that Greek-hero effort. Give yourself a treat, a smile, a pat on the back, a hug, an award!!! Find the people who you can tell your slip-ups to, but also your successes! I'm sorry to all of those who I tend to only tell my follies to. I promise I have successes!!! But mostly give yourself credit. It's so hard sometimes, but I promise it makes you feel better. It makes you feel stronger and braver and more beautiful and whole. If your day is an Ironman (triathlon of 2.4 miles of swimming, a marathon, and 112 miles of biking!!!!) give yourself some much-needed satisfaction that you are doing what you've set out to do! I'm here, ready with a hug, pat on the back, treat, or award if you need it from an outside source. Sometimes you do need someone else to tell you, what you're telling yourself daily. Feel free to call me, facebook me, text me, email me, comment here, anything but Morse Code because I don't understand Morse Code. I'll give you a pep talk! I like to think I'm kinda good at them. And I'm happy to be a Rescuer for anyone else who needs it.

On another note: I'm happy to announce I've decided to do something pretty darn brave and go to an audition for an opportunity at Disneyland Hong Kong! It would only be 6 months if I do make the cut, and if I don't that's totally fine with me, I'll just keep on going here, try again, go to school, I don't know, figure something out. I woke up this morning and saw the audition and knew I had to go. So here goes nothing!

Becoming Strong

I've been following Demi Lovato's recovery story and her motto is "Stay Strong". She had it tattooed on her wrists over the scars from cutting. Now, I am NOT saying I'm a cutter--I'm not a cutter I promise! But I do appreciate her motto and her sharing her story with others. And I'm using her as inspiration and a precautionary tale. You should always, always, ALWAYS ask for help before getting to a point anywhere near cutting or an eating disorder. (Disclaimer: she does have a mental condition, not that that's an excuse, it does make the situation slightly more understandable though.)

So in order to help myself Stay Strong I won't be tattooing the message on my wrists, but I will be taking the message to heart. For me though, I think it's more of a Becoming Strong. (Yes, Rae, Mom, Kavyn, and whoever else chooses to comment on this, feel free to tell me how strong I already am, I will save it in my documents of things to read frequently that make me feel strong.) I will be doing different segments about my Becoming Strong. The segments are undecided as of yet, but they are to come.

Next will be my Becoming Strong playlist. (Songs that make me feel strong and empowered.)

Balance

Balance is something I've been wondering for a while, and especially today. I feel like Gus Gus from Cinderella (you saw the Disney reference coming didn't you?!) balancing the pieces of corn--at least they look like corn--and dropping all the pieces right when the evil cat Lucifer comes stalking around. (Hehe corn grows on a stalk!!! Yay puns!! Sorry...on with...smart things...) Gus Gus drops all his food all over the ground and scurrying off into the mouse hole nearby. Often I feel like Gus Gus carrying so many pieces of corn and just dropping them one by one. It's much more balanced to drop a few pieces before you drop them all because of an incident.

Recently I was carrying too much and dropped it all when an incident came around. And I know I keep talking about it, but picking up those pieces you left behind when you are still scared that cat is going to peek it's nasty head around the corner and come back and try and bite you.

Learning to take out the unnecessary things in your life and take care of yourself is a big part of balance. I'm still figuring out the other intricacies of balancing life and definitely do not have it mastered. I do have the whole dropping everything and running into a mouse hole sobbing down pat! I'm really great at that.

I find it very hard to balance being brave and beautiful at the same time. It's so hard for me to brave and say the things I need to say even if it hurts someone, even if it only hurts them for a little while and ends up making us stronger. I would so much rather just try and be beautiful and sweet and make everyone happy and feel good, but that can hurt me! Also, I'm bad at looking for the beautiful things in life. I am getting better though! And I guess that's what's important. That's what you need to balance most is trying as hard as you possibly can and looking at yourself and giving yourself credit for how far you've come and everything you have accomplished. And that's the balance I'm working on most.

Bravery

So, I once defined beauty, and I decided to take a crack at defining bravery. When most people think of bravery as a knight in shining armor riding his white horse into battle (or nowadays, I soldier in camo driving a tank into battle), and while yes that takes incredible amounts of bravery I think that there are many different forms of being brave. So here are a few examples of my definition of bravery.

Admitting you need help is very brave. Admitting you have a problem is brave. Even braver is seeking the help and trying your hardest to help yourself. There are so many people who cowardly hide their pain and issues inside, when really they should just let someone know and let themselves free of being trapped inside themselves with their issues.

Being yourself is powerfully brave. Not allowing others to sway you in their judgments of you and their opinions of who you are is brave. Those who truly love you appreciate you for who you are and for who you aren't and encourage you gently toward who you are to become, they don't judge you or hate on you for being who you are now and moving toward who you are becoming.

Feeling good about yourself is brave. In American culture if you don't hate yourself or at least some part of yourself there is supposedly something wrong with you, you're self-centered and prideful and conceited and a bad person. When that isn't true. It's brave to feel good about yourself and accept the things you hate about yourself and to love yourself or at least pieces of yourself.

Living take courage. Taking breaths, waking up every morning, getting out of bed, getting dressed, going to work, taking care of yourself and loved ones, it all takes bravery and courage. Sometimes more than others. How much easier would it be to just let yourself slip away into the Lord's comfort? So much, but living and doing your best at it takes true courage.

Doing your best is brave. It's simple and spineless to stop trying to give up and sit by the side of your life's path. It's brave to stand up and keep walking when you no longer have strength. It's brave to drag yourself along when your legs give out. It's brave to lift up your hand to the person whose path will correspond with yours just when you need them. (Just as God intended it.) It's brave to look down the road and know that someday you will get to that point because you will "keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things," as Walt Disney put it.

Helping others is brave. Giving someone your hand, your shoulder to cry on, your arms to hold them, your eyes to cry with them, your heart to ache with them is courageous. Telling them your experiences to help them is brave.

Trying new things is brave. You don't know what that exotic piece of fruit or mysterious piece of meat is going to taste like, so putting it in your mouth is brave. But trying a new job or school or town or neighborhood or idea or blog or challenge is brave. You don't know how it will affect you and your life, and facing that unknown is brave. Very brave.

Trust is brave. Not stuff like trust-falls, and other stuff you see coworkers doing on TV shows and commercials. True trust is hard and sometimes painful and so brave. Leaning on someone else and telling them your secrets and hopes and fears and dreams is brave and sometimes so hard.

Love is heroic. Giving someone part of your heart and hoping, praying, and trusting they won't shatter it or leave it out in the rain to catch cold or simply hand it back is incredibly brave. It's brave to keep loving someone after you've hurt them, or after they've hurt you. Even though you've given those people a piece of you, you can still feel that piece they're holding on to. It's easy and cowardly to just walk away and take your heart back from someone you love, it's brave to put yourself on the line again and keep loving them and give them another chance. (Disclaimer: Sometimes giving someone another chance is just stupid, not brave. You have to be the judge of that for yourself, here's for hoping you aren't stupid! Hehe!)

This is a suit of armor in Disneyland, he's pretty brave to just stand there. Hehe!

It just sounded like fun to put in a picture of him :)

That's my Mom! She's struggled through most of her life and you would never know it. Her strength and bravery is quiet and peaceful. Her courage is lost to words. Her experiences are inexplicable. Her strength is unfathomable. She's a beautiful, brave, wonderful woman.

This is Rae's Phill. He's been deployed twice, leaving his wife and children behind to go off to the horrors of war, not knowing whether or not he would come back to them. Not only that he's picked up his family and moved to a new place about every 3 years. Including in August, when they'll move to Texas.

This is Phill's Rae. She's gone through everything with him, always by his side, always supporting him. Not only that she's courageously raised 3 children, while go through personal struggles. Rae's gone through an inexplicable amount of challenges, that I've only begun to fathom, and bravely borne them and struggled through them, trying so hard to move forward past them. While trying to drag herself down her path of life, she's picked up others along the way, forgetting her own struggles and helping those she's found in their challenges. Rae has handled her challenges with equal helpings of bravery, beauty and sweetness. Which is truly admirable.

This is my Kavyn. You all know that I love her and she's my best friend. What you may not know is that she has placed her already rocky path of life right next to my broken and often hidden one, and not only does she leave her path to let me cry on her shoulders, and to comfort me as I try to be brave (often failing), but she picks me up and carries me as far as she can. Something else you don't know is that she feels lucky to do so and asks for nothing in return. Completely selflessly she listens to me whine and watches me try and trip and often fail, and just tells me that she loves me too and to keep going because I'm stronger and braver than I give myself credit for. She is so brave to love me. And so brave to keep going and living and fighting the fight she's been handed. She's not got it easy, but she handles it at her very best which is all anyone can ask. This girl's a special one, so watch out world, she's going to change you. Even if it's only one person at a time.