30DC Day 13

Write a letter telling someone something you could never tell them:

Dear Kelsey,

I'm sorry. You were a good friend to me in a time that I needed you. I'm sorry for hurting you and for cutting you out of my life. I miss the laughter we shared and the secrets. I think of you often, but can't get over my pride enough to actually talk to you myself. I'm sorry for that. I feel like I just used you and when you branched out was selfish and wanted you only for myself. I reacted poorly and I'm sorry. You were so sweet to me and were a Godsend in my life. Thank you. Every time I hear Metro Station I think of you. I remember our Jonas Brothers concert together and sobbing over Sense and Sensibility together afterward.

Thank you for all your help and for carrying through that rough time.

I'm sorry.

Ciera

30DC Day 12

A picture of your room and don't cheat by cleaning. Share a secret.

Well, that's my room. I'm not sure if it means that my dirty room is a secret or if I'm supposed to share another secret. So maybe I'll share another secret...

Maybe not.... :)

30DC Day 11

A picture of something you dislike:

I. Hate. Bananas.

So much that I put gloves on when I have to touch them at work.

But I love banana bread.

And banana popsicles (twin pops).

I am full of contradictions such as this.

30DC Day 12

A picture of your room and don't cheat by cleaning. Share a secret.

I cheated. Oh yes, I cheated. Except my dresser, I left that a little messy. Mostly cause I was just too tired to bother trying to straighten it any more. :)

So, a secret? Hmmm....Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a secret would it? So I'm just cheating all around. Good thing I don't have a boyfriend right?

30DC Day 10

A story about a past relationship:

This is probably supposed to be about a romantic relationship, but I'm going to write about a former friend I have mostly lost contact with. Her name is Stephanie. She was sweet and sassy and had a really cute Pomeranian and the best room for sleepovers and a great imagination and she was blonde. She was everything I wanted to be back in 3rd grade. I remember driving home from swimming in her pool one day and crying because I realized that I loved her. It's silly, but I remember my mom asking why I was crying and I told her and she nearly started crying because it was so sweet. It's a little silly, but it was sweet and happy and I figured it would give everyone a smile. :)

30DC Day 9

Something/Someone you're proud of:

Hmmm.... I'm not sure. I don't really think about being proud of a person very often. Here's one though:

I'm proud of Savvy. I'm proud of her for learning to say that I'm going to marry Kevin Jonas whenever she sees his picture. And I'm proud of her for always seeming to know when I desperately need her to run up and hug me yelling, "See-wa!!!!" with her eyes all lit up and a huge banana smile on her face.

30DC Day 8

Short term goals for this month and why:

This is a tough one too, because it involves things I really don't wanna talk about in an online, permanent, very public forum. So here's some that aren't so personal:

One is to dye my hair. I know that's really dumb, but my hair is three different chunks of color and it makes me frown when I look in the mirror. So it needs to be done. The 29th is the day I'm planning for this goal to be accomplished.

Another is to better express myself. I know that's kind of ironic because I didn't share personal things just now. But I mean in person and in conversations. If that makes sense?

30DC Day 7

A picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you:

This is a tough one, oddly. Obviously you're expecting a picture of Mickey Mouse with me and Kavyn in it. Because those seem to be the only things I post on here. But Abby and Eric saved my life physically and mentally while I was in California and they've had a huge impact on me. And Rachel has while I was there and while I was here. So maybe Abby and Rachel's mom for having such wonderful girls who've impacted me so much. But my Mom and Dad raised me and gave me life, and that's a pretty huge impact.

Let's just go with I'm undecided on this one, okay?

30DC Day 6

A Hobby You Have:

Photography is a hobby for me. I don't take many photos, and not many good ones, but I love it when I do. Disneyland and Rachel really inspired me to take it up. And hopefully soon I'll be able to get a higher quality camera so that I can grow in that hobby. I'm considering a degree in photography. Who knows, maybe it'll be more than a hobby!

30DC Day 5

A picture of somewhere you've been:

That's Neuschwanstein. It's a castle in south Germany. I loved it there. It was a fairytale in real life. One day I shall be filthy rich and buy that castle and live in it, constantly in ball gowns.

30DC Day 4

List 15 songs that represent your life's soundtrack:

Never Grow Up Taylor Swift--This song is very much like my life. Especially right now. I don't want to grow up. I'm going into it kicking and screaming.

A Little Bit Longer Jonas Brothers--Nick Jonas wrote this song about being diagnosed with diabetes and the main lyric is "A little bit longer and I'll be fine". In any tough time in my life, including being diagnosed with hypoglycemia, this song reminds me I'm not the only one and it will get better. In this video he says just a little bit of his speech (sorry for the Spanish translation! Haha!) that he says at every concert, and it kills me every time. Once I was in floor seats (next to Kavyn) and he looked right at us the whole time. We LOST it. We were sobbing the rest of the concert I think.

The Phantom of the Opera-- I was (and still am) obsessed with Phantom. Kavyn took me for my birthday last year in Vegas. It was amazing and perfect and I sobbed through most of the show. It was the best birthday so far. (But today could still beat it!)

Giddy Up *NSYNC-- I loved Lance Bass from *NSYNC as a girl and that was his favorite song that they sang, according to the In Concert on the Disney Channel. (Somehow I found the clip from the In Concert! I laughed so hard I cried watching it again!)

Take A Breath Jonas Brothers-- This song was a bonus track of one of their CD's and has been my favorite ever since. It is about just taking a breath because things get screwed up but just breathe through it.

One Less Bell to Answer/A House Is Not a Home Glee-- When Kristen Chenowith and Matthew Morrison sang this song it was a revelation because I had finally found the song that had been stuck in my head randomly since I was 2 and we'd listened to it on a road trip. It was amazing.

On My Own and Javert's Suicide Les Miserables-- Les Miserables changed my life. I saw it in 6th grade for being a good student with the other honor students from my class at a local high school. Even in those tender years, I understood what was going on, and sobbed for Eponine when she died in A Little Fall of Rain and then was completely, somewhat morbidly, entranced by Javert's decision to kill himself over his complex about Justice vs. Mercy. I had just had a crush on a guy who turned me down because I was a little obsessed with him, and I felt for Eponine, I wanted to hold her while she breathed her last breath. I felt like I was her, shot, betrayed, alone, disappointed, dying in his arms while he pretended that he loved me. I still very much relate to Eponine and I LOVE Samantha Barks as her. Almost as much as I LOVE Nick Jonas as Marius. He looks perfect and acts really well, he gives it his best effort, which is all anyone can. And I cannot find what Javert's name is, but that actor is brilliant. I love his portrayal. I just love the 25th Anniversary concert version.

Party In The USA Miley Cyrus-- This is HUGE for me to admit this. But I am secretly obsessed with this song. I don't even mind her voice in this song. It's just fun, and I feel like that a lot like I'm getting too much in my own head, and I just need to play my favorite song and it's a Party in the USA.

Tik Tok Ke$ha-- Kavyn and I went to a Nick Jonas and the Administration concert (that's his solo project) last year in California and had an AWESOME road trip. This was pretty much the only song we listened to. So this song just makes me think of that happy time and makes me smile and dance embarrassingly. Tik and also Tok by "K, dollar sign, ha" is also funny. It's the Glee version. :) In the episode they're learning about the dangers of alcohol at school, but then drink more, this is the assembly at the end of Alcohol Awareness Week, and their drunk performance. Brittany's dancing is AMAZING!

Amazing Grace Il Divo-- I just love this song. It's so simple and beautiful and amazing. I sang this version as a solo in church before I went to Disneyland, and could hardly keep from blubbering instead of singing. I did not sound as good as they did. But it moved me. This song also seems to most accurately describe how I feel about Heavenly Father and my relationship with him.

If U C Kate McFly-- Yes, I'm aware of the bad word in the title of the song. Don't let it scare you! The song isn't bad AT ALL! I love this song! I made my own lyrics to it about KJ (Kevin Jonas) so that one day when I'm famous, I can cover this song about my semi-creepy crush on him. I even have the choreography worked out for when I go on tour. I'm so excited. Let's all make this happen. :)

Liz On Top of The World Pride & Prejudice (2005)-- This song is gorgeous. It feeds my imagination and soul and calms me while motivating me to do the things that I really want to do. I bought the book and can now play this song--not very well, but I can play it.

Just Haven't Met You Yet Michael Buble-- This song is amazing. It's fun and light but meaningful, and then there's Michael Buble's perfect voice. And the music video is cute! I mean who doesn't want to invade a grocery store like that?! His was the first concert I ever went to and it seriously impacted me. His performance was impeccable, and his showmanship fantastic. He was inspiring. At the end of the concert he sang Song For You without a microphone at one point and I, on the very back row (I'm NOT kidding. Last row. Back section.) could hear him perfectly! His projection was mind-blowing. (Sorry about the Italian or Spanish subtitles on that one too!) After hearing him I pretty much forced my parents into giving me voice lessons. Which I seriously need to resume.

Change Taylor Swift-- I love Taylor Swift. Her songs are so real and heartfelt and honest. And this one just gets me. I listen to this and remember that trials don't last forever. It gives me courage to stand up and keep moving forward. Letting someone knock me down will only benefit their ego. Marching on despite them benefits me, and who knows who else.

Speak Now Taylor Swift-- Part of the inspiration for my blog. And it's a cute song. Hopefully I never do this though. Hopefully I speak way before that!

Well, I think I did one extra, but there they are! Hopefully the links all work!!

30DC Day 3

A habit you wish you didn't have:

I wish I wasn't such a procrastinator. I really need to just do the things that I set out to do.

30DC Day 2

A picture of something you cannot live without

I could not live without Disney Magic. It's changed me and become a part of who I am. I can't even explain how much I miss being a part of that.

I couldn't live without the gospel. It comforts and me and strengthens me.

I could never live without my best friend. I talk about her constantly and miss her like crazy. She helps me be more myself, and a better version of myself. And somehow she wants to be my best friend too.

30DC Day 1

A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself:

Okay, so the picture's small, but facebook changed things so now I couldn't save the big version and it's one of the most recent, and my current favorite picture of myself!

1) I love having pictures taken. I love getting all dolled up and then posing for the camera (usually with Rae behind it). I just think it's fun!

2) I really struggle with feeling like an idea is good enough to actually post it on my blog. I think about an idea for days or a week or two before deciding that it is good enough to put out there for all of you to read. And then the first few days before anyone comments I worry that you all just thought "Well, reading that was a waste of my time and life."

3) I watch way too much TV, pretty much just because I'm bored.

4) I dream HUGE! And sometimes it makes me depressed thinking that I'll never reach those dreams.

5) Children make my life. They fill a void in my soul. I love them. And somehow they love me back.

6) I love having long hair. It makes me feel pretty. Without long hair I feel unattractive.

7) When I laugh really hard I snort.

8) I have a really hard time expressing myself. Hence the vague posts not necessarily about my life.

9) I will not allow myself to die before I go to Paris, France.

10) Honestly, I do love the Jonas Brothers. And everyone who thinks it's lame just needs to get over it. Because they can't make me not love them.

11) I remember the dates of every Jonas Brothers Concert I've ever been to, and have kept all the tickets from them.

12) I have truly random interests and obsessions.

13) It takes me a long time to de-stress and decompress. And I get really upset when that time is interrupted.

14) I think really really fast. It's distracting when I actually need to think about something.

15) I love the color purple. A lot.

30-Day-Challenge

So, my friend Rae (who taught me how to link and then i forgot so here's her blog: raeswheels.blogspot.com) is doing this 30-Day-Challenge and challenged me to do it too. So here goes: These are the postings you can expect in the next month:

Day 1- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 2- A picture of something you cannot live without

Day 3- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 4- List 15 songs that represent your life’s soundtrack

Day 5- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 6- A hobby you have

Day 7-A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 8- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 9- Something/someone you’re proud of

Day 10- A story about a past relationship

Day 11-A picture of something you dislike

Day 12- A picture of your room and don’t cheat by cleaning. Share a secret

Day 13- Write a letter telling someone something you could never tell them

Day 14- A picture of something you ate and 10 confessions

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle and share the first 10 songs that play

Day 16- Something you could live without

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one Day and why.

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have and how or why you have them

Day 20- If you had 3 wishes, what would they be

Day 21- Share a picture from your Day

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- What is something you crave

Day 24- Share a story about your past that you are ashamed of.

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- Places you want to visit before you die

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 Day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- A picture of you today and 2- goals you want to accomplish

Well here goes!!

Beauty

There are so many different forms and shapes and definitions of beauty and I've been contemplated on my version of the term tonight. What is beauty? Is it the faces of those you love? Is it words strung together in just the right order? Is it a landscape? Is beauty a piece of music that fills your soul? Is it a photograph? Is it a feeling? Is it a secret piece of cake in the pantry and no one finds you? Is it a meaningful film? Maybe one of those made you nod, and made everyone else in the room shake their head over how involved you were in the internet, maybe not. Well, here's my definition of beauty, at least for now:

Beauty is these people I love, their faces lighting up when they see me. Their eyes. Their smiles. Their jokes. Their laughter. Their tears. Their comfort. Their comfort is the most beautiful to me.

Beauty is these few different sets of words that brilliant people have strung together:

I love you. -Anon. (Eve probably, or Adam, if he was a smart husband)--These words bring a smile to my lips and tears to my eyes. So simple and so true, the beauty of these three words is incomparable.

I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. And, my darling, you will always be mine. -The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks--This makes me cry every time. It's toward the end of the book when you find out the little old man is Noah. He writes Ally this letter before her memory goes. If I were writing my own vows, I would say this to my husband-to-be.

Okay, I know I know more, but those are the only two I can think of at the moment.

Beauty is Kevin Jonas. I think that he is gorgeous. I cannot imagine a man more beautiful.

(That's my favorite picture of him. It's beautiful)

(Savvy is even trained to say I'm going to marry him. I am very proud of her for that.)

These are a few films I think are beautiful:

Finding Neverland (Kate Winslet, Johnny Depp)

Sabrina (Audrey Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart)

Phantom of the Opera (Gerard Butler, Emmy Rossum, Patrick Wilson)

Sense and Sensibility (Kate Winslet, Emma Thompson)

Beaches (Bette Midler, Barbara Hershey)

Beauty is tree blossoms. Tender and coming to life, from apparently nothing. Springing forth from the cold, dark, long winter they bring hope and life and color to the world. To the lives of everyone blessed enough to see them. The spring hasn't fully come to with the blossoms, but it soon will. It brings the promise of better times to come, the promise of renewal and life. Also the blossoms also bring the knowledge that--finally--the worst is over, and you can move on and grow again. (These photos I took)

(for Savvy, pink "paw-corn" trees are her favorite)

Beauty is tragedy. That sounds depressing, but truly I believe tragedy is beautiful. Tear-stained cheeks are washed clean. Tears bring soothing and peace afterward, and--for me--sleep. Pain is for the heart like pruning is for plants. It may hurt, and it may seem like it's shrinking you, but afterward it helps you to grow and to blossom and bear fruit. Grief brings clarity to the joyful moments in life. Trials bring peace afterward. Calamity brings strength. Heartbreak brings vision and wisdom. I'm experiencing all this myself. It hurts, but it's helping me be a better person, friend, daughter, and sister.

Beauty is everywhere, and I'm finding it, enjoying it, crying tears over it's painfully perfect moments, letting it envelope me, and hoping and praying I'm emanating it's light.

Prince Charmings

So after my post about Princesses and their Prince Charmings I was asked about what Prince Charming was doing before he met his princess. Now that's a great question to which I answered, "You are the princess!" meaning that the role of not just waiting and looking but discovering yourself and finding what you love. To the question asker the answer was not sufficient though. Which inspired this article. So Prince Charming didn't just run around looking for his Princess. He was busy too!

Ready for a super similar list of Prince Charming's and what they were doing before they found their Princesses?! Good!

Aladdin didn't just sit around trying to find Jasmine. He tried to provide for himself and Abu the best he could. He was helping others (the orphan children) and trying to improve his situation. By being so giving and helpful he found and wooed Jasmine!

Prince Eric wasn't swimming to try and find a mermaid, he was learning to sail and rule his kingdom. Then disaster struck and he was saved by Ariel. He was tricked along the way by Ursula, but he figured it out and got the Happily Ever After he was looking for.

Phillip wasn't riding his horse through the forest just to find Aurora, he was getting away from life, relaxing and working out. And then he stumbled across her. When he was captured by Maleficent all hope seemed lost, but he saved his girl and spent the rest of their days together!

John Smith didn't go to America to find a Native American and nearly die for loving her. He went to have an adventure, to discover new things, and he ended up finding his true love.

Hercules didn't find Philoctetes to save Meg from the water guardian and fall in love with her. He found Philoctetes and worked really hard to please his family and be with those who loved him and find his place in the world. Falling for Meg was just a perk.

Flynn Ryder didn't convince Rapunzel to come with him to end up marrying her and become a Prince. He convinced her to come with him because she knew too much and he needed that crown back! It just ended up that they fell in love and saved each other in the end.

Prince Naveen didn't go to New Orleans to be turned into a frog and turn Tiana into a frog and thereby fall in love with her. He went to New Orleans to find a rich man's daughter and woo her into marrying him and thereby support himself with her funds, regardless of love. And then he found Tiana, learned the power of work and made his own fortune and happiness with her.

"I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream." (Not as perfect as the other lyric, but Prince Phillip sings it)

Kavyn

Yes, I know I already posted a few months ago about my best friend. And yes, I know I just barely posted! But I had to just say that I love my best friend. I couldn't ask for a better one. I prayed for her for over 6 years. 6 of the loneliest years of my life. But look what I have now!! The most perfect best friend ever. She's my sister, truly. As Anne Shirley would say we're Kindred Spirits. And I love her. And I miss her. Oh how I miss her! She's radiant. Anyone who doesn't see it is blind. Seriously. She's beautiful inside and out and brings such light and beauty and positivity to me and my life. :)

"Honey, I Shrunk the Audience Syndrome"

When I was a small girl my wonderful parents took us to Disneyland (you saw that coming didn't you?) and I vividly remember seeing the "Honey, I Shrunk the Audience" 3-D movie. Through the whole thing I was miserable! Everything made me jump and squeal and I was just NOT happy with it. At one point a snake popped out at me and I just couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't. I took off the glasses and started crying, sobbing, wailing. My sweet mother stopped watching to comfort me and asked what was wrong. I sobbed, "It's picking on me! It only jumps out at me! It keeps being rude to me!" (Or something similar to that...) And my mother explained to me that the screen does that to everyone and pointed to everyone in the audience jumping at the same time. So I put my glasses back on and watched, not as unhappily as before.

I think that sometimes in life we get what I now call "Honey, I Shrunk the Audience Syndrome". We think that life or God is picking on us, only giving us trials and challenges. When really everyone is having trials and challenges. We are all having a tough time, or we just went through one, or we're about to go through one. The trick is to remember that you aren't alone. Sometimes you have to take off those hideous 3-D glasses and look around you at everyone else in your life. Maybe the snake is jumping out at them at that moment and they need you to comfort them and listen and offer advice if they want it. And focusing on all the things that are going wrong will keep you from laughing at the funny show life is putting on for you, along with the tender moments, the blissful moments, the peaceful moments.

Thank you to all the beautiful people in my life who've taken off their glasses for me when I'm crying even over something as stupid as a fake snake popping out of a 3-D screen to comfort me and give me advice.