"At Least..."

So you know those times when everything is looking very bleak and it's hard to find something that's beautiful? I find that I need something that is fairly stable, that at least I have that. My most common "At least" is "At least I have a cute butt." Because I do--whether or not that's conceited, I don't know. But it makes me feel better. That even if I am broke, have no job and can't find one, at least I do have one asset. Oh, you want a list of "At least"s? Okay....

At least:

I can write.

I can appreciate others' talents.

I have my family, and though the relationships may change they're always there.

I have pretty eyes.

I have Rae and her family too.

I have emotional outlets.

There's more, but it feels selfish to put them all here. I hope that helps you in trying to see the beauty in your own life. It helps me with mine. And heaven knows I need any help I can get.

At least I have a cute butt :)

Encouraged

So this weekend Emily and I went to my favorite place on earth (you do know what's coming don't you?!) DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was SO fantastic! Not nearly as busy as everyone seems to think it was. We hit our favorites and that's all. We did only what we wanted. First up Emily got herself a bracelet that reads guatEMala, because at one point she was in Guatemala, and it was a huge part of her life, which it is her choice to share that experience, not mine. Second was the Teacups, Emily's favorite. Then to Dumbo, a family favorite. Of course, we did what we do best and ate. At the ever-delicious Golden Horseshoe. Oh, I love the Golden Horseshoe. Not on the menu are their mozzarella sticks and they are FANTASTIC! If you're ever in Disneyland, eat them. They take about 15 minutes for them to make, but it is well-worth the wait. Also, the fishsticks are finger-licking good. Don't even get me started on their fries. I'll spare you that happy-rant. We sat with a sweet, sweet lady who had the only 2 spare chairs in the place. The reason for that being Billy Hill and the Hillbillies. Yes, I just said that. Yes, we watched it. Yes, we enjoyed it. Emily laughed so hard I thought she was going to throw up that fantastic food. Then we shopped. Oh did we shop. I love shopping at Disneyland. So much. It was great. :) After corn dogs and spying (and crying) on the parade it was time for what we went there for: A Princess and Character Look-Alike Audition for Disneyland Hong Kong.

We were taught some choreography from the Christmas parade, and did our best. Sadly, it was not good enough and we were cut after that. (The first cut.) We picked ourselves--and our shopping bags--up and headed to Cheesecake Factory for treats before going back for the fireworks! During which we cried our eyes out!!! It was just so beautiful, and I could feel Hook's crocodile behind me, tick, tick, ticking away, attempting to drag me away from happiness and magic. Then we cried our eyes out over Fantasmic. And screamed over an awesome Cast Member who scared the tears out of Emily ensuing laughter from me that was so deep and hard and hearty that I snorted 7 times in. A. Row. For our last hurrah we rode the Matterhorn, my favorite. Then we visited the gorgeous and amazing Aly who I used to work with. And then oh-so reluctantly we stared at Sleeping Beauty's Castle down Main Street USA and walked away with heavy hearts, bags, and feet.

Despite not doing so well in the audition I am greatly encouraged by it. I can try again, and I will try again. And I will do better. I will work on my dancing and ability to learn choreography. I will practice being princess-y. I feel so hopeful and happy about what's to come. I will do this, I will reach this dream. I will succeed.

And I will go back to Disneyland soon, with my best friend again, with my family again, with anyone who will go with me again.

I feel recharged for every day life until then. My strength has been renewed and I can keep going, hopeful, positive, beautiful and brave.

The Rescuers

Okay, I haven't watched The Rescuers in a few years, but I was thinking about it today as I was playing through one of the songs in my amazing Disney song book.

What little orphan girl doesn't spend her days dreaming of the wonderful, warm, kind, beautiful people who will adopt her? And then poor little Penny (the little girl in The Rescuers, if you didn't remember) gets kidnapped by Medusa and Snoops! Instead of a brother and sister she has two crocodiles to watch after her. Instead of a Mom and Dad who love her, she has two slave masters who just want her to squeeze down that little hole to get the big diamond.

So then she dreams of being rescued. And she does something to help herself. She sends out little bottles with notes in them, in the hopes that someone will find them and then her. Not only that she prays. She prays and prays for help and for someone to save her.

Luckily, I've never been an orphan, and I've never been kidnapped and had crocodiles be my guard. But I've had people rescue me before and I'm sure I'll have people rescue me in the future. And hopefully I've rescued at least one other person. We all need help. And we all need to help ourselves. And we all need help from God. Hopefully he'll send us some angels--whether in the form of two mice and a dragonfly, or a friend, or parents, or a stranger--and they will rescue us. And just maybe Heavenly Father will let us be someone else's angel and have us rescue them from their demons.

The song that inspired this is Someone's Waiting For You. It touches a special place in my heart and never fails to make me cry. It helps me remember that someone's waiting for me. And hopefully someone tall, dark, and very handsome (rich wouldn't hurt either) is waiting for me. Maybe even just as impatiently as I'm waiting for him. Someday--hopefully soon!--the waiting will be over. :) For now, I'll just try to be a Rescuer. Doing whatever small amount I can do.

Poetry

I don't know if any of you know this, but I am a published poet. One of my pieces was published in my high school's literary magazine. Maybe one day I'll post it. But today I've been thinking about this poem that I'll share with you. It's been a rough day. I found out that Rae is moving to Texas. By August 1st. I'm very upset. But there is a positive!! She will live only about a 20 minute drive from Fort Worth which is where the majority of the Jonas family lives. (Maybe Reed will go to school with Frankie Jonas!!!! Okay...that's highly unlikely, but I can dream right?! The answer is YES I CAN!! And I WILL as big as I please.) But I don't want her to leave me. I love Rachel. She's the older sister I've never had, and one of my best friends. And all day I kept thinking the opening lines of this poem for her, but couldn't remember the rest. Miraculously it was in the first folder of things I've written that I looked at. (There are several. And hardly any of the work is worth showing anyone, honestly.)

Without further ado, my poem entitled Fear Him?

They say to fear Him,

to fear our Lord.

We're told He'd smite us

for all our sins.

But I cannot fear Him

He paid for my sins.

He helps me through days

I just can't face alone.

I feel the power of His love

from the glowing sunshine up above,

the beautiful flowers down below,

the warm soft grass between my toes.

How can I fear Him?

He's saved me from death,

every day he gives me breath.

How can I fear Him?

He suffered for me in a grove of tress

and died for me at Calgary.

How can I fear Him?

He felt my pain while here on earth

so I could have a second birth.

How can I fear Him?
I feel the power of His love

from the glowing sunshine above

the beautiful flowers down below

and the warm, soft grass between my toes.

How can I fear Him like they say?

I only love Him stronger every day.

(I wrote this one day during church as someone was giving a talk, that I don't remember what it was about. And I remember my mom showing it to a lady in my ward--who was later my English 1010 teacher--who complimented me and it's stuck with me. I don't know why I've been thinking this today, but I have. And I felt like sharing. I hope you enjoyed, or at least it made you think. P.S. I don't know how copyrights work, but please respect that this is my work, my words. It takes a great deal for me to share my words as poetry is my soul on paper. Thank you.)

Rae I love you. I know Heavenly Father and Christ love you. They're watching over you and your family. Everything will go well in Texas. Somehow, we'll both be okay. :)

"Honey, I Shrunk the Audience Syndrome"

When I was a small girl my wonderful parents took us to Disneyland (you saw that coming didn't you?) and I vividly remember seeing the "Honey, I Shrunk the Audience" 3-D movie. Through the whole thing I was miserable! Everything made me jump and squeal and I was just NOT happy with it. At one point a snake popped out at me and I just couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't. I took off the glasses and started crying, sobbing, wailing. My sweet mother stopped watching to comfort me and asked what was wrong. I sobbed, "It's picking on me! It only jumps out at me! It keeps being rude to me!" (Or something similar to that...) And my mother explained to me that the screen does that to everyone and pointed to everyone in the audience jumping at the same time. So I put my glasses back on and watched, not as unhappily as before.

I think that sometimes in life we get what I now call "Honey, I Shrunk the Audience Syndrome". We think that life or God is picking on us, only giving us trials and challenges. When really everyone is having trials and challenges. We are all having a tough time, or we just went through one, or we're about to go through one. The trick is to remember that you aren't alone. Sometimes you have to take off those hideous 3-D glasses and look around you at everyone else in your life. Maybe the snake is jumping out at them at that moment and they need you to comfort them and listen and offer advice if they want it. And focusing on all the things that are going wrong will keep you from laughing at the funny show life is putting on for you, along with the tender moments, the blissful moments, the peaceful moments.

Thank you to all the beautiful people in my life who've taken off their glasses for me when I'm crying even over something as stupid as a fake snake popping out of a 3-D screen to comfort me and give me advice.