New Year

Here we are on the brink of 2012 and I hardly know how it got here. This is the time of year that we all look back and see our progress and look to the future and set new goals.

I've been looking back at the year in awe. In awe of the change in myself. I've become so much closer to the person I ultimately hope to become and I am very proud of myself. I still have a long way to go, but I've made leaps and bounds. As I'm sure you'll all figured out this year has been excruciating. I went through so much that I didn't see coming, and never wanted to see. They say that you don't know what you've got until it's gone, but I'm very much not that way. I know exactly what I have and live in fear of losing it. And I lost so much this year. But I've gained myself. I gained a knowledge of myself, my limits, my strengths, my challenges, my needs, my wants. I didn't really want to admit this online, as I live in fear of the repercussions of online postings, but I feel I should. I found out through counseling that lasted about 6 months that I have ADHD, abandonment issues, and developed acute social anxiety, among other challenges we all struggle with. But I'm making it through. Through the challenges every day poses. And I'm looking forward to a new year that, with any luck, holds fewer challenges than this past year and holds hope, growth and joy.

I hope your new year holds the same and I hope that you can look nostalgically on this past year, even if it was as difficult (or more difficult) as mine.

Happy New Years!!

Christmas Crafting!

So, in order to distract myself from boredom and loneliness lately I've been rather crafty! (Also it was a cheap way to give people thoughtful gifts for Christmas!) Helped quite a bit by the inspiration of Pinterest I've created all these things in the past month, and am now bragging about them! ...And admittedly so I can pin them on my own Pinterest and brag just a LITTLE more! :)

This is an eternity scarf I made, just two rectangles of plain cotton jersey and a little jersey braid all sewn together and big enough to slip over my head.

This is a little cotton jersey braid that I sewed into a circle to use as a headband! :D

This is a braided waist belt from three equal strips of cotton jersey and sewn on the ends (Haven't figured out a better way to fasten then to just tie at the moment...will update if I figure it out).

These are 3 used Martinelli's bottles (and a babushka doll....I didn't make that...) I made for my sister for Christmas. The one on the left is modge-podged with paper. The one in the middle has jute wrapped around it and hot-glued down. The one on the right is just spray painted with gold paint. ((Hint: to get the label off soak in water over night and it comes right off, then just scrape off the residue with a razor blade or knife.))

The trees there are what I made! You just roll cardstock into a cone and hot-glue it down and embellish if needed. The little white red and green one is covered in little pom-poms or warm fuzzies, the light brown one is circled with jute that is just hot-glued down, the dark brown just has a jute ball on top, and the green one is a patterned paper and I didn't do anything to it after rolling it.

This is the gift I made for my brother and sister-in-law. It's just a frame I painted gold, dollar store ornaments I painted with the white and put the ribbon on and attached them to the back/top of the frame. The bow is just hot-glued to the top of the frame. (If you didn't figure it out, it's a wreath!)

That's all for now!! I'll probably post more later....okay I will probably post more later. I'm addicted to crafting!! :D And I need to post what I made for my mom and dad and myself!

A Year in Review

With the year ending and all our family Christmas letters going out I've been thinking back on my year and it's shocking how much has truly changed. My life has turned completely up-side-down since last Christmas, but I've survived. So, I'm going to copy Rae and give you a little year play-by-play:

January:

Come home from Disneyland.

Get a major cold.

Find job at Krave.

February:

Wish I had a Valentine.

Keep working at Krave.

Mom's birthday.

Breathe sigh of relief Rae wasn't moving.

March:

Turned 20.

(Freaking out that I've lived through 2 decades now)

Still working.

April:

Still working.

Called to Nursery (I think it was then...).

May:

Kyle met some girl named Briana.

He fell head-over-heels for her.

Rae's moving to Texas.

It's okay because the Jonas Brothers live there too...

June:

Start going to counseling.

Still in Nursery and working.

Trying to keep myself together.

Spend as much time with DeVaults as possible.

July:

Kyle engaged.

Still spending as much time with DeVaults as possible.

Still working and in Nursery.

August:

Kyle and Briana married.

My first photo shoot ever.

Still working and in Nursery.

Missing DeVaults.

Emily's birthday.

September:

Still working and in Nursery.

Desperately missing DeVaults.

October:

Still in Nursery.

Quit Krave.

Life stuck in neutral.

Missing the DeVaults more than I thought possible.

Kyle's birthday.

Cut ties with someone who meant the world to me.

Got on a plane to Dallas, TX.

Hugged Phill.

Hugged Rae.

Hugged Reed.

Got made breakfast in bed by Reed.

Hugged Jax.

Hugged Savvy.

November:

Did Rae's laundry.

Laughed.

Cried.

Read.

Played Lego's.

Cooked and ate.

Laughed more.

Loved.

Dishes.

DeVaults.

Hugged and hugged and hugged.

Sobbed.

Got on a plane.

Sobbed the whole way home.

Parents' 25th wedding anniversary.

Thanksgiving.

Dad's Birthday.

December:

Still in Nursery.

Job as nanny for Thornton's.

Missing DeVaults.

Decision making.

Slowing moving life forward.

So, that was a little less than positive. But I'm moving forward after an incredibly difficult year. And I'm proud of that. I did everything I could and just kept moving forward. And will continue to do so through the end of this year and into the next.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!! :D

Thanksgiving

Okay, I know this is shamefully overdue, as Thanksgiving was weeks ago and Christmas is now upon us. But I must say how incredibly grateful I am for the holiday of Thanksgiving. I love the chance to eat all you want on fancy dishes and with family. I love the focus of the world on being grateful for the things that mean something to them. Thanksgiving gave me the chance to see with clear and grateful eyes, which is rare lately. I've been struggling still, and struggling more in some senses and Thanksgiving gave me the opportunity to break free of that for a little while and be grateful. It was such a relief. And I was so grateful for the holiday itself.

Yes, the Christmas season is also great, but there is more focus on the commercialization and what you're going to get than what you're going to give and what you're going to help with. (Also, less focus on a great big meal!) There are so many things I'm grateful for. And if you're reading this, you're one of them. Anyone who takes the time to read my words makes me very grateful, even if you don't comment, I like to imagine at least 10 people read each of my posts.

I'm so grateful for my family this year especially. I've gained a sister since last year, and I'm glad for her too. :) I could list all the things I'm grateful for, but that would take forever and I'm already in tears, and that would break me into sobs. Just know, I'm grateful for so much. And especially Thanksgiving this year.

Sorry for the rambling still. But at least it's a post right?

Braveness

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon 'em." So says Shakespeare in Twelfth Night, and I've been thinking about that quote a lot lately and I believe the same can be said for being brave. So I would also say "Some are born brave, some achieve braveness, and others have braveness thrust upon 'em." ((Is braveness a word?? Probably not! But I'm saying it is!)) Some people don't struggle with being brave, they just are. They don't have to force themselves to be better at speaking their mind, or parachuting, or fighting for our country, or telling someone how they feel, or trusting. Others of us have to learn bravery by trying those things just one at a time or by living our every day lives. And other times bravery is forced upon us. A loved one dies, or leaves us, or turns on us, or an emergency happens and we must be brave. Those, I think, are the hardest moments. When you're already knocked down from life and then something happens and you're left to ourselves to pick up your own pieces and just keep going. Regardless, though, of how our bravery comes, we all must be brave. Although it sounds far more delightful to lay in bed, or in front of the TV, we all must live our lives, which requires an immense amount of bravery. But we can do it!