Caring for Myself

So today I was feeling pretty crumby and missing so many people so achingly much I couldn't stand it, so I pulled on yoga pants, gym shoes, and an old Disney t-shirt plugged in my iPod and set off. Where I didn't know, how far I had no clue. All I knew is that I felt terrible and I wanted my legs to pound my emotion into the earth, to let her feel my pain and to receive endorphins back from my pounding into the pavement. With Adele, Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, and the Jonas Brothers fueling my half-sobbing terribly emotion walk/run--note that walk came before run, lots more walking happened than running--I made it through 2 miles, 2 miles thinking of days gone by. Those days included my sophomore year of high school when I was in high school and could mostly jog 3 miles in half an hour. And as my feet pattered a pattern the pavement I let all my walls down and just felt. It was refreshing and frustrating. Frustrating for the weakness of my frame. Frustrating for the inability to go faster. Frustrating for the inability to run longer. Frustrating for the people driving the streets and on the side of the road. Frustrating for the lack of loneliness my heart felt. Refreshing for the pumping of my legs. Refreshing for the beating of my heart. Refreshing for the giving over of myself to the strumming of guitars, pounding of drums and tinkle of the ivory. Refreshing for the reminder that negative emotions are not weakness, it is human strength and proof of love. Refreshing for the caring of myself.

Furthermore I chose to share the songs closest to my heart with all of you. So here you go!

Fix A Heart--Demi Lovato, Unbroken. This song just hits a tender part of my heart at the moment. It hits so close to home and I love it. The lyrics and the plain piano chords just seem to be just for me. Because sometimes someone takes a piece of your heart and you just can't fix it once they broke it, you just have to move past it.

Somewhere Only We Know--Glee Version, The Warblers. Yes, you notice the similar theme to the previous song? Oh how strange...not really! This song never ceases to reduce me to tears. Any version--just especially this one. It makes me wonder about the story of the poor soul who wrote it. I hope they got a good goodbye that they can look back on with a smile now. (And not just a smile from the money they've made since the song is popular.)

I Wish You Love--Nat King Cole, Live at the Sands. Okay, this one makes me sob too. But with his perfect syrupy-smooth voice how could you not? Well....how could I not?? When this one is so similar to the others I don't see how I could say much more except for vent my frustrations that artists neither sing like this nor sing subjects like this any more. And I'm sure you don't really want to hear that rant, because it lasts for days.

Enchanted--Taylor Swift, Speak Now. I REALLY want to be enchanted to meet someone. To come home giggling and blushing and dancing and scream-singing this song. I daydream of meeting said Prince Charming somehow irresistibly charming--as well as me looking completely gorgeous!--like we reach for the same tub of ice cream at the grocery store, or I'm at Disneyland adoring Sleeping Beauty's Castle and I trip over him eating his corn dog from the corn dog cart and he catches me and I treat him to a new corn dog as his is inevitably ruined by my tripping and we enjoy corn dogs together and keep running into each other in the park. Yes, my imagination is reaching for the stars. But it may as well, that's its job!

Someone Like You--Adele, 21. WATCH THIS VIDEO! I'm not lying. Do it now! I loved this song before and now I'm shaking, totally breathless at the magic of this version. It was shattering. The camera work I found really natural and organic and I loved that they were at her house and she was singing for herself. And at the end of the song she's biting her thumb and thinking and a small tear is in her eye and I sobbed. Big, breathless, babyish sobs. It is unbelievable how brilliant that is. Also this song I am constantly playing on my piano and belting or listening to. It's so bittersweet and beautiful and I love it.

Well, for now that's all. I hope you enjoyed my little half-rant half-inspiration. I hope it fueled you in your New Years Resolution to take care of yourself better and stronger too!

Health

So I've been working on my mental health this past year especially, recently including counseling (have I mentioned that? I never remember...). And in counseling have uncovered that I struggle with acute anxiety. Nothing I need to be medicated for or anything, I just always think of all the possible worst-case scenarios for the silliest things. So to help fight that and multiple other mental issues I'd rather not talk about on the internet especially my counselor has encouraged me to start working out. So I have. Kicking and screaming internally at it.

I have issues with working out. Mostly because last time I weighed myself I was a mere 108 lbs and I'm terrified of getting any thinner. I don't want to blow away in any breeze drifting by. Gusts knock me over as is. But I've started trying anyway. Yesterday I did some Wii (Just Dance 2, and Wii Fit...that counts right??) and today I jogged. Yes, me I jogged. Well...I sorta jogged. I jogged and walked, and jogged and walked and walked a little more. I am SO out of shape. It is absolutely ridiculous. But the goal is to get better. And secretly (Rae you will scream when you read this, so prepare your children) my goal is to do a Disney Half Marathon. Emphasis on HALF!! That's only 12 miles. I want to do a WaltDisney World Half Marathon. So then I'd get to go to WaltDisney World....Yup, that's most of the reason!

Well, I'll keep ya'll updated on my brave adventures of trying to work out. Well, now I'm off to get a HUGE bowl of Rocky Road because I need to keep my weight steady at least.

-Also, as a note Dreyers is the best Rocky Road. With Western Family as a close second. Western Family just has a TON of marshmallows. Really, it's half ice cream, half marshmallows. :)