Delicate Strength

In staying strong I've obviously been thinking about a definition of strength, but I'm not at all ready to write up a full definition of strength yet. Words are still somewhat eluding me. Today I spent the day with Rae: cleaning, talking, distracting children, and soaking in her radiant warmth. (What I will ever do without her a mile away, I have NO IDEA!!!) But I saw her today (and yesterday) show the most incredible delicate strength. Joking with movers, Rae remained (somewhat freakishly) patient with her over-tired, over-stressed, over-bored babies. Yes, while walking through her house Rae cried and cried. When I swept and mopped her bathroom I collapsed into sobs over the floor. Eventually pulling myself together to finish. And when I left--followed by them, though their journey was much longer--Rae and I sobbed in each other's arms. That's the delicate side: allowing yourself to feel your emotions, letting yourself be weak.

But the great irony of that is, is that is the strength therein! It takes strength and courage to feel. To feel is to allow yourself to be vulnerable, which is frightening. As Rae vacuumed up cobwebs I thought of spiderwebs. Spider webs are incredibly light and delicate and seemingly weak, but a spider web is one of nature's strongest substances. ((And I would post a picture of it, but I like spider's about as much as Ron Weasley!)) I trust that you all know what a spiderweb is like and can picture in your mind the intricacy of the home of the arachnid. With long spokes connected by swirling connections. The long spokes are the strength, connected by delicate and gentle strands of complex, twisting emotions. Many people are afraid of spiders and their webs, and more surprisingly the webs inside themselves. I'm the first to admit I'm not fond of my often swirling and inexplicable emotions. But I'm working on accepting them and moving forward. It's hard to balance delicacy and strength, much like balancing bravery and beauty. But I'm trying and I hope you are too. <3

~Sorry this didn't come together as planned, or beautiful or inspiring or brave at all, but I had to put it out there. Maybe at least Rae will like it. :)

Speechless

My apologies readers, I've been so post-less lately. I've been speechless blog-wise lately. I've been going through some incredibly tough times recently, and I have struggled to think through anything beautiful enough to write about. I've just tried to be brave through the storm raging around me. You'd think that would provide ample inspiration for my should-be balanced blog between bravery and beauty, but it hasn't been. I've been so emotionally and mentally drained from every day life that hardly any thoughts have been left over for writing.

And this blog post is becoming awfully depressing, and I apologize for that as well. Hopefully some brilliance will occur to me and I will have blogs coming in a flurry from feverish fingers.

Until then,

C