Feeling Good

So I am having a pretty great day today, and really for no particular reason whatsoever. Actually it's been a miracle that today I have felt so great about my day.

I had to work today, for the 5th Saturday in a row. And, hey, even though my social life is fully DOA, I still like a Saturday off every once in a while so then I actually have a chance to recharge before the new work week. (Not that I hate work, we just all need breaks, you know?)
I've felt SO judged and SO belittled and SO disrespected and SO unheard this past week especially. Far more than usual. (Just ask Rae, I've told her about 10 billion times this week.)
Today was also someone's birthday who I no longer speak to and miss daily and today marks 2 years since I've seen this person. And I anticipated today to be one of those difficult days where I wish I could go back in time and change my decision to sever those ties.

And even though these 3 major things (and others I'm not ready to parade around the internet) were counting against me I still had a fantastic-feeling day! Can you believe it?! And I feel so empowered by the fact that I feel so much more fantastic than expected, that I feel more fantastic, and it's all one big splendid spiral of better-than-expected-happiness.

Today I was grateful to have a job, and grateful for how much my job has taught me about my personal finances. And really seeing how far I've come--especially in the past 3 years--in budgeting, sticking to a budget, and even saving.
I felt pretty, confident, and more able to show my true colors today. And even though I'm usually very confident in the blessing of my attractive facade, my confidence of my insides and letting people see me has always been a struggle.
Even though I was missing the aforementioned person, I realized how much better off I really am without that person, and how much I have grown without them. And even though I still miss them and I do still think of them and care about them, today I feel solid in my choice to not be their friend any longer. Today I feel peaceful and whole without them. I'm glad for them that they have their own life without me, and I'm glad for me and my independence.

Hooray for a wonderful day! I hope you had one too.


And if you're reading this you-know-who-you-are happy birthday. (But that does not mean my decision's changed.)

Be KIND!!

So I'm sure you are all also SO sick of hate, of negativity, of bad news, of just general not-nice-ness. Aren't you? I am.
I'm not just sick of the not-nice-ness that is rampant on the news, social media, or any media, but I'm sick to nausea of not-nice-ness between people! To hear people undercut, undermine, belittle, and bring down their fellow humans is so discouraging to me right now. Perhaps it's because I'm especially tender, still struggling through some big trials and battles I've been fighting. Perhaps it's because I'm just an emotionally tender person anyway. Perhaps it's because it seems as though the negativity and not-nice-ness has seemed to be thrown in my face very much lately.
Enough ranting from me. Here's my encouraging:

Be kind!! Everyone around you is struggling with something. Every single person near you has messed up something today, big or small. Everyone around you has something that has hurt them so deeply that they couldn't express it to you if they tried. Everyone has pain, loneliness, hurt, anger, frustration. And everyone (did you read that right?! Everyone!!) needs a smile from a kind stranger, or a door held open, or a compliment, or just a kind vibe. Even if that is all you can do, that is enough to change someone's day, which has a ripple affect on the their week, month, year and life! Think of that! Just for a moment imagine the lives you can change just by taking a millisecond from a busy second to do some minute kindness. And then take a longer moment to imagine the lives you change by bigger kindnesses and services that you are capable of doing for others without even interrupting your own life by very much at all. Isn't it amazing, that vision you see now? The people who will look back at how you helped them at the end of the day (or week, month, or life). Now don't you feel a little better and a little more kind? --Yes, you're welcome!

Think positive!! There will always be something that will have the capability of ruining your day, of pulling you down, of taking you to a dark place. But guess what?! We are also blessed (every single one of us!) with many beautiful, wonderful, positive, light-filled things that can distract you from those not-nice things and help to keep you positive and kind. How many things can you think of today that went wrong, that made you mad, that hurt your feelings, or that just wasn't good? Probably a lot. But how many things can you think of today that went right, that you learned, that made you smile, that made you laugh, that lifted your spirits, that gave you hope? Is it the same amount as the not-nice? Maybe more? Or is it less? For me honestly it's less today. But hopefully tomorrow I will do better and see more that's positive. I'm not going to guilt myself about it today and give myself more not-nice-ness, I will just accept I didn't do my best and try harder tomorrow.

Build people up! There is far too much verbal attacking and taking down in our world. And I'm guilty of it too! But can we all please try a little harder to build each other up. To find something good in others? A former coworker of mine once said, "At least he breathes well!" about someone who was driving us both a little crazy. And ever since I've loved that concept. If nothing else a live human being breathes well. And you can tell merely by the fact that they're still alive. Marvelous isn't it?! I just gave you something positive about every single person on the planet! And guess what?! There's more than that positive in just about every single human being out of the 7 billion of us trying to muddle through life on this planet. Maybe you don't understand that one person you're thinking about right now who's driving you absolutely batty, but isn't it fantastic? Isn't it wonderful that so many different types of people exist in our world? Think of the things that person is capable that perhaps you aren't. For example the person I'm thinking of right now is far more skilled in speaking their mind and communicating to another person their opinion, which is a good thing! This other person is more likely to get what they're asking for, because they're better at asking for it. (See, finding their positive wasn't so hard was it?) 

Just keep trying. It's hard. Life is hard. Being positive is hard. Liking people is hard. And it's kinda stinky to fight the not-nice-ness. But you can do it!! You're gonna screw up. I'm gonna screw up. But we can keep trying. And that's all we can do! All we can do is try! So don't get bogged down in how much you screw up (or how much I screw up...it's a lot...). Just keep going. Acknowledge that your best effort wasn't met, and then just keep trying, knowing that you'll never be perfect. Yes some days are just down right awful and everything crashes down around you and you just need to go home with at least a pint of ice cream and just cry and shovel the sugary fatty bad-for-you dairy into your face. BUT THAT'S OKAY! We are human. We are allowed bad days. We are permitted mistakes, and horrible, awful, so-bad, Jonah days. But then we can--and I argue must--pick ourselves back up and soldier on, seeing the most positive and being the most kind we can be. Please do NOT feel like I'm telling you to be perfectly happy in spite of any negative thing. NO!!! You are allowed to feel bad, and wallow a little, but don't stay there forever! Gain your strength, and depend on others' strength if you must, and keep going the best you can. And use your experiences feeling awful to have pity and empathy and sympathy for others when you see them struggling. I truly and honestly believe that the not-nice things that happen to us have purpose. And sometimes the only purpose seems to be to give you more compassion for others. Don't let the not-nice-ness make you not-nice. Let it do the opposite and give you more understanding, more love, more capability for light.

Above all be kind. Kind to others. And kind to yourself. Just kind. :)

GLITTER!!!

If you couldn't tell from my post name, I'm obsessed now with glitter!! I love it! And I really needed a better solution for my makeup brushes so I scoured Pinterest (my very best friend!) and I found this wonderful post from The Blonde Bingo and I decided to try it! I just used different glitters I had around the house from different projects, and not all labeled. I mixed about half modge-podge and half glitter and then I found some glitter-glue and threw some of that in there! The modge-podge glitter mixture was looking kinda grey and funky so I decided to just go ahead and start putting it in the jar and I was so not coordinated at just letting it swirl around the jar like the blog I was following suggested, so I just took a sponge brush and kind of gloppily sponged it on. Which ended in the inside looking like this:

And after waiting, and waiting, and waiting (for 48 hours to be more approximate)... It ended up like this:

Isn't it beautiful?
(Can you tell from my nails how much I love glitter?!)

















And then here with my brushes in it and my perfumes next to it, a perfect fit in my bathroom :)

Change, Change, Change!

Well, folks, things have got to change in my life. And I've known that for a long time and been working for it for a long time, and it just hasn't been working. I'm sick of being in this holding pattern. And honest-to-goodness I've been working so hard to get out of it. But with things as they are, I just can't be here and change my life the way it needs to. So I'm leaving. I'm going to the great state of Texas. My dear, dear Rae lives there, and soon her sister Abby, and her sister Liz lives just to the north in Oklahoma. And a school there in Dallas has the degree I want, and it just seems like the only place for me that makes sense. (Unless Disney calls me to be a part of their entertainment department! In which case Anaheim, Orlando, Paris, Tokyo or Hong Kong would make perfect sense! But that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon, so plan B ahoy!)
So, you see that picture? It's a shadowbox to put money I'm saving in (thank you Pinterest for the idea!!). I don't know if you know this, but I'm not good at saving. Okay, I'm not good with money. Like at all. But I'm trying. So there it is. The beginning of the next era of my life. I don't know if you can tell, but there is not one but TWO wrinkled 5 dollar bills in the frame! I'm pretty proud of myself actually. And I'm very excited because I need a change so bad. I need to rid myself of the image of my former self and be able to find who I am now better. I think I have some idea of who I am and who I want to be, but I want to shed the expectations of who I was and be able to know myself.
In the words of Sandy the Squirrel--yes, from Spongebob-- "Wish I could be in Texas, the ocean's no place for a squirrel. Wish I could be in Texas, prettiest place in the world oh-oh...Deep in my heart I'll always be a Texas girl."

Mothers

Happy Mothers Day!
I'd like to wish a Happy Mothers Day not only to those who have borne or adopted a child, but to all those who have mothered a child. To every aunt, to every cousin, friend, sister, teacher, baby-sitter who helped to mold and create who a child becomes. To every woman who absently rocks when she hears a baby crying. To every woman who has yearned for a child of her own.
There is a great need for a child to know their own mother and to be able to look up to her, but I think that also  mother figures are increasingly important in this world with shifting ideals and examples. Women everywhere need to remember how much younger women are watching them and how good of an influence that they can be in their lives. I know that mother figures have been greatly important in my own growing up. Every girl has some issue or another and every young woman has a time where she doesn't want to be anything like her mother. At those points in her life, she needs someone to look up to besides her own mother who will help guide her in seeing the positives in her own mother that she can look up to.
I'd like to send all my love to the ladies in my life who have helped me to see the things in them and in my mother that I'd like to be more like. I hope and pray that I am helping other girls in their quest for womanhood, as I am striving for the same thing.
I hope your Mothers Day is spent in appreciation of the women in your life and of your own accomplishments as a woman (unless you're a man, then Father's Day it'll be your turn!).

What's in a Rose?

This rose has so very truly inspired me. In so many ways. It was a bright shining moment of beauty in a very dreary day. (Thank you Farnsworths for letting me have it!!)

If you can tell from the photos I took the outer petals are white and the further in you look the more peachy-pink the petals are. And it struck me. At first I wasn't sure why I loved the rose so much and then I realized why. 

This rose reminds me of myself.

At first glance it's just a regular rose.

But then you look closer.

You see the scars on the outer layers.

You see the depth of color in the middle.

You see how each layer of who I am makes my complete self.

You see how fragile I am.

Then you smell that I like to smell good. (Haha!)

I think we're all like this rose. Layers upon layers of personal moments, memories, quirks, lessons learned. And all making us who we are. Maybe you're a different color rose. More vibrant. Or more muted in a different kind of way. Maybe there are fewer layers to you. Or the layers aren't as tightly guarded as mine. Maybe there are fewer scars on your outer layers. Maybe you have more scars on your outer layers. Maybe your layers are tighter wrapped. 

Isn't it marvelous that although we are all so different, we all make beautiful flowers still?

My Apologies

My apologies for having not written recently. I've been mulling over a few different ideas that I just can't seem to complete, but they're in progress. And I had a small idea for my apologies for my silence. But it just didn't come out well. The ground where I'm sitting has been so grey, and I figure leaking black words into the grey and leaving it on the internet where it would be permanently was worse than just silently seeking the sheerer shades in my view. (That's just a fancy way of me saying: Instead of me whining you're just getting silence.) Hopefully my ideas come together soon.

PS: Not all has been grey! One shining white moment was when Rae came earlier this month! With Savvy!! Such a shining white moment! Though sadly sometimes the light blinds us, leaving all that didn't seem so dark before, a deep blending blur afterward.